Hey you. Glad you could join me for a playdate at the children’s museum. We, like you, are desperate to get the fuck out of the house. Desperate because of the weather. Desperate because we’ve used up all our TV time. Desperate because we’re starting to talk to ourselves in the mirror. Desperate because we’re done doing finger paints, and markers, and colored rice, and Christmas ornaments, and hunting for marker caps lost in the carpet, and cleaning up the carpet where she had an accident, and staring out the window wishing it were summer time. We’re desperate for a change of pace. And that’s the Children’s Museum. With you.
We think we’re gonna get big break while the kids run around the place, but you and I both know that break last 10 minutes, and then you’re playing with them the same games you play at home, only in a bigger space with other children, and we all know this trip ends making a craft for a 3yo. I can’t tell you how excited I am to make another craft for my 3yo while our children fight over crayons under a pulsating rack of florescent lights illuminating the arts and crafts room at the center of the children’s museum.
But we’re not there yet. You and I get to talk while they practically bathe themselves at the water exhibit here. The smell of the chlorine is stronger than the smell of your coffee breath. It makes me think I’m at the pool in the summer time.
Hey, would you be weirded out if I told you you missed a loop with your belt there? Your mom jeans are puckering up at the corner and I can see a dash of your grannie pants. It’s making me feel uncomfortable. But in a good way.
How about this. For the next ten minutes you and I get to talk. Like adults. We’ve got exactly 10 minutes of adult time here at the water installation before the kids drag us off to the dress up stall where you and I are going to put on butterfly wings and play pretend, and we all know the craft is after that, so right now, let’s cram in 10 minutes of adult conversation. Isn’t that the point of the playdate?
Let me start by saying I think Bibi Netanyahu is acting like an epic douche, and if our Congress tries to stuff through more sanctions on Iran while Kerry is easing them in part of 6 month nuclear enrichment deal, our negotiating partners are going to back away from the table and we really will be on a path to war with Iran. Our congress sucks Netanyahu dick, don’t you think?
Oh, you have an Elf on a Shelf? I did not know that. Oh? It’s funny how the kids think the Elf on a Shelf is watching them? That’s amazing. You put it on top of the Oreos in the pantry so your husband would know you’re watching him eat Oreos in the middle of the night? Please, do go on about your Elf on a Shelf. Actually, I’m just gonna nod every so often while you talk about the Elf on a Shelf for the next 8 minutes, you just keep talking honey. I’m gonna play a little mental game of “who would I rather” with all the other moms in this building while you talk and I nod and I’ll laugh a little for you and your Elf on a Shelf story but really I’m just making a list. And checking it twice.
Oh! Times up! Let’s go play dress up! FYI, you made it pretty high on the list. That missed belt loop causing a peekaboo put you over the top on a couple tiebreakers.
They really should have an audio loop on the intercom of a parent saying “not in your mouth”. Save us the trouble. #childrensmuseum
— superSAHD (@supersahd) December 6, 2013
PS. If you enjoyed your time on this playdate with me, come along for some more! Like this SAHD on Facebook!